(🇬🇧 Google translate)
The nuclear winter has set in... and for a long time.
High concentrations of microscopic, toxic and foul-smelling airborne algae(Hexemus Purulus) have emerged as a result of climate change, pollution, chemical disasters and nuclear war...
But it is safe for the surviving population.
The Royal Playa Club® invites you to spend an unforgettable vacation in its prestigious chalets, perfectly integrated into wild and generous nature.
" So many emotions,
the mushrooms are magnificent this year.
I will come back."
Message from Mrs A.D.
You will be comfortably installed at the edge of the lake in a perfectly waterproof chalet, with a very popular exotic style. The morning mists (although toxic) add a poetic touch to the atmosphere, with a pretty greenish tint this morning. Book your balloon flight over the lake*. Let's take advantage of the good weather to spend a beautiful day at the beach, in the shade of a mushroom. (* Only for Prime customers.)
The beach hotel, located on our desert island, is in high demand and sold out for the week. Peace and serenity will be your motto. Don't let children play with dead fish!
From the heights, we contemplate an overview of the landscape, including Lake Xhatiff at the bottom left and the Grands Marécages further on. We are very proud of our new, constantly improving wastewater treatment center, on the right.
On the occasion of the 2573rd International Climate Conference and COP28, a “Nature and Discovery” walk takes place every Tuesday, organized by the zoos and forests department.
Joy and happiness, it is thanks to responsible management of nuclear and chemical waste, buried at shallow depths, that our charming village benefits from a microclimate perfectly suited to romantic walks along the marshes.
Contaminated snow fell on our beautiful region a few days ago. However, we had very pleasant temperatures all week.
This is finally good news. Radioactivity and bacteriological levels in Europe remain at a rate well below the new standards and are therefore perfectly safe for the population. Outings in the open air are now authorized for up to 12 minutes by official services. *
SERAD - Service Europe radioactivity.
SDPLP - Safe for the population.
At the beach or on a walk, enjoy a delicious frozen mushroom.
Without colorings or preservatives.
Live observation thanks to our network of webcams. Let's take advantage of the good weather which should settle in all week, despite rare acid rain.
Class A Prime. Our perfectly waterproof chalets are built in stainless steel and meet the best current standards of protection and comfort. The air is renewed there every day*. Large portholes offer a panoramic view of our beautiful region. *
(* Only for Prime customers.)
Class B comfort, a small porthole offers a view of our beautiful region. The air is renewed there on request at the help desk.
You will find many beach items at the reception desk.
Careful cuisine, local products. The chef's surprise pizza, with green mountain chicken drumsticks, accompanied by small wild mushrooms picked by hand in our countryside.
You can have breakfast on the terrace.
©Crédit photo Nat.VH.
(* Only for Prime customers.) (** To consume with moderation)
In the event of a prolonged outing, remember to bring a reserve of compressed and decontaminated Gluf air, which is very practical. Available free of charge* in our concierge service.
A new generation vaccine kit is available free of charge* at the reception desk. They are made from Bonobo stem cells and presented in pretty syringes in fun colors. Effective against bites from the green mountain hen, Covid 19-27, Hexemus Purulus, Anthrax, Cholera, Encephalitis, Tularemia and special nerve gases, etc.
Do not drink tap water, this can have unpleasant consequences.
(* Only for Prime customers.)
Emergency services are available free of charge* on our 24-hour red line *.
(* Only for Prime customers.)
Hello, unfortunately all our lines are busy, please try again tomorrow.
A witness to our times, this extraordinary machine has been widely applauded by industry professionals, the scientific community and the general public, always eager for new things. Its usefulness will obviously not escape anyone. A few quick adjustments allow you to count mushrooms, canaries and Covid-19.
Click here to access the laboratory.
This cutting-edge technology only works in modern browsers and recent 2022+ OS.
Chronic flatulence.
Analysis, causes, consequences and above all anecdotes.
Extract:
"The police sniffer dog quickly found the trace of the fugitive..."
Pf. Sigismond G. Levelu - Editions Labrousse 2023
Our favorites:
★★★★★
• Les Côtes de Tchernobyl, Grande Réserve 1987 AOP.
Other exceptional vintages: 2020, 2012, 1999.
Self-proclaimed wine of the year, A great vintage of pinot noir, bastardo and saperavi, little-known but nevertheless prestigious, astringent and very robust, with complex aromas. An exceptional length in the mouth and a slight metallic taste will delight fans. The harvest is done each year by hand in protected clothing.
• Spend wonderful moments by the fire with our magnificent Christmas mushroom.
The exhibition: “WILD ANIMALS” continues its success. Here we see a green mountain hen. (Gallina viridi montibus)
The large green mountain hen is a species of gallinaceous bird with a finely serrated beak and very aggressive and unexplained behavior. In fact, it attacks everything that passes nearby, drooling in its beak, often in groups. Its bite is extremely toxic and quickly causes intestinal convulsions in its victim (shigellosis). It has very developed hind legs which allows it to run very quickly to bite its prey.
(Source: Editions Labrousse 2023)
Clip this voucher for free entry or show it on your smartphone.
Our photo exhibition on the theme “Nature in close-up”. Here we see a fetid pink toad (Foetidum roseus bufo). This photo is a very courageous feat on the part of the photographer, knowing that the pink toad emits a terrible odor.
Click here to see the photos already on display.
To enter the competition, send us your best photo by email (link at the bottom of the page).
We will respond quickly to your requests for information, testimony, complaint, reservation:
by e-mail: info@royalplayaclub.be
or in our contact page (Google Forms) in the appendix.
• Mrs. N: Thank you for this wonderful stay! We will definitely come back. (9-10/23)
• Nicodak: This site is just awesome! Bravo for the technical work and for the editorial content.
The management warmly thanks you and offers you a backlink. (4-8/22)
• Nat: Do you also have masks for my cats who will accompany me? (1-3-22)
La direction: “Il faudra un accord signé par vos chats.
• NV: Neon green jumpsuits are very flattering at the beach. (4-9-21)
• JK: Your site is a real delirium, very funny. (21-8-21)
• from ottawa: Will we still be able to swim in the lake?
Management: Yes, but any swimming will be followed by 40 days of isolation.
• Jean Bonnot: What about radioactivity?
Management: It is safe for the population, we are below the new standards.
• Cindy T: After my return I put my plastic palm tree in front of my window.
